Heat, Passion, and Education

That is it!! I can’t stand the heat any longer! I feel like I’m melting… sweaty and sticky… I miss winter. I miss wearing coats and boots… oh my high heel boots, how I miss them… And It is going to be 100 + degrees for the coming days…

Recently my urge to draw seems to have returned. The outcome depends on the current mood I’m in. From each drawing I can remember how I felt at that moment. I wish I can find some kind of a profession that involves Art. But I know myself enough to know that as soon as I’m ‘ordered’ to do something, I get turned off. Something I learned during Art classes in high school. I really don’t know why. The more I get told to do something the harder I resist. Anyways, drawing, I started drawing Anime back when I was a freshman in high school after watching my first Anime, Sailor Moon. I still have the first drawing I have ever made. After that I moved to drawing portraits. I love drawing people, especially faces. But I can only draw women, I don’t know why, maybe because I started with Sailor Moon and most of the characters are female. Currently I’m obsessed with drawing more of Fashion Illustration type of drawings, to tie in my two passions… fashion & drawing.

I was registering for the fall semester thinking that I’m way early, hoping to find the classes I wanted, but no! Most of the teachers I wanted were full. I am just going to wait for an opening, I have a month. I’m getting closer to graduating, after that I can be an Accountant! Ha! I can’t even imagine it. Next semester is going to be difficult. I’m going to take two types of Accounting and three types of management classes. How fun! On top of that my grades have slipped after the previous semester and I have to keep up. I really don’t want to drop from the dean’s list and have to deal with my mother.

Love in reality and other rants

Well so much for the meeting… I didn’t get to go because my mother had a crisis and I had to help her and I moved the appointment to another day.

The one person I love unconditionally in this world is my mother. I really don’t think I could go on without her. She is the reason I do anything. My main goal in life is to make my mother happy. There are some days where we get into these fights where both of us (mostly her, I tend to shutdown and keep my anger inside… another issue for another day) say hurtful things to each other, but I have promised myself that no matter what I’ll never turn my back on my mother.

I think the purest form of love is between a parent and a child. I don’t know if other types of love truly exist in reality. Only in fantasies and fairytales. I would like to see someone prove me wrong. Anyways enough with the deep thoughts… lol.

Dear work friends: omg… please stop telling me endless, mundane, tales about this guy and that guy! I am sick of pretending to care about what you have to say, seriously, stop it! There. I said it. I feel better.

Onto other rants.

Yesterday, I took work off and my schedule was messed up so I really didn’t have anything to do. As a result I started messing around on my cell phone and one thing led to another… I ended up buying 20 dollars worth of ringers and screensavers! I am dreading the arrival of the next bill… I couldn’t help it, it felt so good!

It is official. I am an insomniac. I can’t sleep before three am. The hours between 1 and 4, is my internet time. That is when I catch up on emails, groups, blog, and fan fictions. I can’t sleep if I don’t do these things first. I rarely use the computer during the day time, unless it is for school stuff.


My song of the moment, Somnambulist (I had to look up this word) by my all time favorite artist BT.

So little time, so little time
I'm so frustrated
Some little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
So little time, so little time
To work it on out
So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
I feel I'm stumbling in the dark
Somnambulated
I feel my heart seeking the sparks
I'm praying for love
Praying for love
Some little time, so little time
When your heart's been faded
So little hope, so little hope
I'm praying for love
Is more than enough
Simply being loved loved
Is more than enough
So little time, so little time
Be acclimated
So little hope, so little hope
And I'm prayin' now with love
So little time the pace has changed
But I'm still waiting
A thousand years of timeless days
Somnambulating
I'm stumbling wounded in the dark
But I'm praying still for love
Love love
Prayin for Love
Simply being loved loved
Is more than enough

Getting Closer

I am definitely a night owl. It is two o’clock and I can’t go to sleep. I took tomorrow off from work and I’m going to talk to my counselor about what classes I should take, since I’m getting closer to graduation. I have planed out my schedule for the year and I needed a little advice. But the last time I went to talk to an “advisor” which was about a year ago, all I got was a cold woman who didn’t seem to care about me. All I wanted was for someone to show some enthusiasm for their job, give some advice and encouragement. I am going to see a different person this time and we’ll see how it turns out.

One of those moments

I am having one of those days... Well actually late afternoons, I was feeling fine before... One of those afternoons that just makes me wonder if I am every going to make it in life, whatever that might be. Will I ever graduate college, get a career, a house, a life? It just seems like an eternity right now. I can't wait to see that day when I can truly feel the sense of accomplishment.

Girly Needs

I am going to take a moment to talk about the sacred topic of *drum roll please* Shoes!! Right now I am in love with platform wedges, not just because it is the "it" shoes for now but because I have found a way to compensate for my five feet frame without the added pain of walking around in high heels. Even thought if I some how trip and get the wonderful sensations of falling of a building it is well worth it with enough practice.

I am totally broke right now but I can dream, can't I? I am actually saving, trying to save some money by the end of August when school starts. I want my hair straightened $60, nails $35, and haircut $30. And my very own tradition of a new bag every semester. It is always difficult to find a cute bag that can also carry all my books. I have yet to search for the perfect bag.

I have been thinking about getting a hair cut for a while now but never had the courage to go through it. My mother being the main reason with her unnatural need to keep my hair long. I have found thee hairstyle of my dreams at ukhairdressers.com! I am going to wait until August. My hair is currently in rehab from its traumatizing experience of at home "Relaxers". Everyone wants what he or she can't have.

Current Obsession

Now that I don't have to go to school for the summer, I have a lot of time to write in here. Even though I still have to go to work almost seven days out of the week. Today I didn't have to work and slept until two pm. I have totally screwed up my sleep schedule staying up until four five am reading fanfictions. Which is one of my current obsessions. I go through these phases where I obsesses over something, let be food, clothing, music, anything until I get sick of it or run out of time. Now it is reading Inu Yasha fanfictions. We'll see how long that lasts. It is like I just can't be in life I have to get myself involved in something, usually school and work but I always find something to immerse myself whether it is beneficial or not.

I am dreading waking up at eight tomorrow. I have to get to work by nine. I am really hoping I get to sleep before, at least two.



Seeing how I should talk about fashion for the titles sake: I wanted to say something about my favorite fashion site on the net, style-arena.jp, Japanese Street Fashion Site. How I want to live there! Maybe some of that style can rub off on me. Does it come naturally or do they spend hours thinking of pieces to put together. I wish everyone cared about how they dress here, maybe it would've been easier for one (me) to express them selves freely without feeling self conscious. Most everyone here sports the usual t-shirt and jeans, and if someone dares to put a little effort to step out of the ordinary, questions like why are you "dressed-up" arise. I am not "dressed-up" this is my everyday gear people!! Maybe if everyone looked like our Japanese friends fashion would be so much interesting.

Work rant!

I don't have to go to work tomorrow! I just need to blow off some steam about work. Dear people I work with: would it kill you to be a little more courteous? I try not to let little things get to me but it is not so easy. I keep telling myself that, this is just a stupid job I have to get through until I graduate from college. But sometimes I just want to get caught up in trivial matters, instead of letting things go and looking at the big picture. I would look for another job but I hate the hassle that comes with it. Just a year or two and I can get my life going.

Here is my lyric for the day-- from Cowboy Bebop, Rain

I don't feel a thingand I stopped remembering
The days are just like moments turned to hours
Mother Used to say
if you want, you'll find a way
Bet mother never danced through fire shower
Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Is it right or is it wrong
and is it here that I belong
I don't hear a sound
Silent faces in the ground
The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen
If there is a hell
I'm sure this is how it smells
Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't
Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Am I right or am I wrong
and is it here that I belong
Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain
I walk in the rain, in the rain
Why do I feel so alone
For some reason I think of home

Tonight And The Rest Of My Life

Down to the earth I fell
With dripping wings
Heavy things won't fly
And the sky might catch on fire
And burn the axis of the world
That's why I prefer a sunless sky
To the glittering and stinging in my eyes

I feel so light
This is all I want to feel tonight
I feel so light
Tonight and the rest of my life

Gleaming in the dark sea
I'm as light as air
Floating there breathlessly
When the dream dissolves
I open up my eyes
I realize that
Everything is shoreless sea
A weightlessness is passing over me
Everything is waves and stars
The universe is resting in my arms

Nina Gordon

Breath

I brought you something close to me,
Left for something you see though your here.
You haunt my dreams
There's nothing to do but believe,
Just Believe.
Just Breathe.
Another day, just believe,
I'm used to it by now.
Another day, just believe.
Just breathe.
Just believe.
Just breathe.
Lying in my bed,
Another day, staring at the ceiling.
Just breathe.
Another day.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
I'm used to it by now.
I'm used to it by now.
Just breathe.
Just believe.
Another day (I do believe).
Another day (so hard to breathe)
Another day (not so hard to believe)
Another day.
Another day.

Telepopmusik

Japanese Street Fashion Site - Tokyo Street Style -

Japanese Street Fashion Site - Tokyo Street Style -
My daily fashion inspiration!

Higher

When I’m dreaming I’m guided to another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
Cause I don’t want to leave the comfort of this place
Cause there’s a hunger, longing to escape
From the life I live when I’m awake
So lets go there
Lets make our escape
Come on; lets go there
Lets ask can we stay? Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But my friend I would sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate
So lets go there
Lets make our escape
Come on
Lets go there lets ask can we stay

Creed

Seven Years

Spinning, laughing, dancing to
her favorite song
A little girl with nothing wrong
Is all alone
Eyes wide open
Always hoping for the sun
And she'll sing her song to anyone
that comes along
Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound
Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own
Fragile as a leaf in autumn
Just fallin' to the ground
Without a sound
Spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song
She’s a little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone
A little girl with nothing wrong
And she's all alone

Norah Jones

Gravity

been a long road to follow
been there and gone tomorrow
without saying goodbye to yesterday
are the memories I hold still valid?
or have the tears deluded them?
maybe this time tomorrow
the rain will cease to follow
and the mist will fade into one more today
something somewhere out there keeps calling
am I going home?
will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
zero gravity what's it like?
am I alone?
is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet
still the road keeps on telling me to go on
something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all

Gravity from Wolf's Rain, Youko Kanno

Some time on my hands

I just wanted to revive my blog from its sleep. I finished the semister and passed all my classes. I am taking a well needed vacation from school...

Mundane existence

I hate Law! It is so unbelievably boring! I am sorry but I can't get passed a paragraph of the chapter I have to read by tomorrow. Agh! And the teacher just gets on my nerves. I feel totally intimidated by the class. I'll just have to take it day by day.

Recently, I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I have not called people back, the longer I wait the more awkward it becomes. I just don't care that much about the people...

First day blues

Today was my first day of class for this semester. I am officially an Accounting major. All the class I’m taking are about business literally right next door to each other. I’m taking 18 credits and I had four class today and tomorrow I’ll have two more. I am terrified of one of my classes: Principles of Marketing. Through out the semester we have one huge assignment, creating a marketing plan for a business of our choice. I have to work in a group through out the semester. I don’t know if I am going to be able to do that… I have no marketing background what’s so ever! And I hate working with in a group. I don’t even know that many people to feel comfortable enough to put a group of five people together. I don’t know if I am just afraid of a challenge or if I am reasonably concerned with my abilities to do well in that class. I’m going to have take the class eventually but I’m not sure if right now is the right time. I have a week to decide whether to drop the class or not.

Paranoia City

I wanted to go buy something as usual but I’m out of cash. I don’t want to use my credit card. I might be addicted to shopping. I just want be happy, I think I am… not sure.
Recently I have been totally obsessed with the safety of my mother. When every she leaves the house I start to worry about all the things that could go wrong. And I can’t wait until she is home and I know that she is safe. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. Maybe it is because I’ve been watching shows like Law and Order, and Crime shows on Discovery that I’m totally paranoid.

post christmas

Christmas is over and I have about a week left before I start the new semester. For now work and shopping is what is on my schedule. I got this new radio alarm clock, and it is so nice! It has this nature sounds feature…. I just took a nap listening to ocean noises! I love the ocean, although I haven’t seen one in person, which is kind of sad. So hungry… need to eat dinner. I’m on a diet trying to lose a few pounds before school starts, even though I’m a vegetarian, I still can’t get away from junk food. Not that, that was the reason I became one.

well needed break

Well, another semester is over and I am enjoying my vacation. It is almost Christmas. Time goes by so fast. My final grades were okay but not what I had hoped for, even though I’m grateful for what I have I am never satisfied with the end result. I am going shopping on Wednesday. Just thinking about it makes me happy. I think I am addicted to shopping. I really shouldn’t be spending money but it makes me so happy. Anything for happiness, right?